


just the sun in your eyes

by maradyer (ashtxns)



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Post 3x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-30 00:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6400099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtxns/pseuds/maradyer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If I have to go and you have to stay - where does that leave us?"</p><p>or, Jude and Zero Before, During and After.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just the sun in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> so i just watched the season finale and after i was done sitting in front of my screen with my mouth open, i just knew i needed to write something for these dorks in love. also, a few things:
> 
> 1) season 4??? where you at????? 2) before zero pulled the key out, i was so sure he was gonna propose lmao who's with me, 3) this is my take on what happens after. i, personally, don't think they're going to break up but i think they're gonna have to fight for their relationship. 4) title is from young god by halsey. 5) i hope you like it!
> 
> p.s. i forgot if they mentioned where in massachusetts zero's sister lived so i chose boston? also i know nothing about basketball and the likes so yeah lmao

The apartment feels empty without Zero. For months, Jude had been used to coming home to find Zero lounging on the couch, or in the shower, or in the kitchen and he’d look up at the door opening and a blinding smile would overtake his face as he greeted Jude. Now, Jude only shuts the door, lets his briefcase fall to the floor and simply crawls into bed. Zero had been a constant presence in his life, always there to guide him, but, as cliché as it sounds, Jude’s life has been lacking light ever since Zero boarded that plane to Massachusetts.  

(“What changed your mind?” Jude asked, leaning against the doorway, while he watched Zero open and close drawers, throwing his clothes in a duffel bag.

Zero laughed bitterly. “Jelena,” was all he gave as an answer and Jude inwardly winced, regretting the question. “Sorry,” he said quietly.

Zero stopped with his hands on an open drawer, staring down but not registering anything. He sighed. “Jude,” he started. “I’m sorry.” He looked up, meeting Jude’s gaze. “I might as well visit her, now that I’ve got nothing else to do.”

 _Stay here with me_ , Jude’s mind supplied but he shut those thoughts out. “What did she sound like on the phone?” he asked, desperately hoping to change the subject. Zero must have caught on because he said, “Content. I hate to ruin her happiness but I can’t back out now.”

“You’re not ruining anything,” Jude said. “Don’t think that. She’s gonna be happy to see you.”

Zero nodded once, before fully turning to Jude. He looked lost in thought for a moment before he seemingly made up his mind and crossed the few steps to stand in front of Jude who forced a smile on his face. Zero looked right through it. (Of course he did. Zero knew whenever Jude was lying, knew before Jude that Jude wasn’t okay, Zero cared more for Jude than for his own life, he loved Jude so much, so ferociously, and now it all hung dangerously on a thread.)

Zero brought his hand up and cradled Jude’s cheek. They stayed like that for a few seconds, staring at each other, both seeking in the warmth and comfort of being with one another, not knowing when they could touch each other again. Zero broke the silence. “I love you,” he said, voice thick with emotion and Jude only nodded. “I know,” he whispered. He closed his eyes when Zero leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, thinking _please God bring him back to me_.)

*

“I realized, I already have a family. You.”

The words hit something in Jude, something he’d thought he’d buried well under everything else. Family, for him, meant his father not acknowledging he had son. Family, for him, meant his mother staring at him when he was little, with vacant eyes, and praying late at night, when Jude was supposed to be asleep, _don’t let him turn out like that man._

Family, for him, meant fighting and pain and grief and working hard, hard, hard to make Oscar proud. Family meant growing cold upon hearing that word, cold and distant, grieving his mother and hating Oscar. He’d given up long ago hoping that someday he’d find a new family of his own.

But then Zero came into his life and turned it upside down. Zero who felt like home. Zero who’d given him a new family.

He can only say, “Of course I want, stupid,” and that’s that.

*

Jude now spends many nights sleepless, tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling. His hands grab the sheets on Zero’s side, heart tugging at the coldness of them and he turns on his side to watch the empty space. He could call him, he thinks. Zero had texted him earlier this evening, telling him about his day and asking if he could call him. Jude hadn’t replied. It hurts too much to think about Zero, going on about his life as normal and being perfectly fine over in Boston, while Jude was quietly suffering back in L.A.

But now it was the middle of the night and Boston was only a few hours ahead and Zero must still be asleep, as Jude quickly calculated in his head. He could call and wait for Zero’s voicemail to pick up. That way, he could hear Zero’s voice but not talk. That’s all what Jude needed. Simply hear Zero’s voice.

He sits up and grabs his phone of the nightstand, walking into the kitchen while the phone dialled. After the third ring, it picked up and a voice said “Jude?” and Jude froze in his tracks.

“Z-Zero?” he stammered, heart beating wildly.

Zero’s laugh floats through the line. “Who else?” he jokes, then sobers up. “Hi, Jude. It’s good to hear your voice.”

“Uh,” Jude stares down at the sink, blinking stupidly. “You too.”

“Everything okay?” Zero asks. “Isn’t it like three a.m. over there?”

Jude nods, realizes too late that Zero can’t see him, then rushes out, “Yeah, yeah. It is. But – I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me either,” Zero sighs. “So, I went out for a morning run. I was planning on calling you later since you never replied to my texts.”

Jude grabs the edge of the counter, needs to focus on something else than the image of Zero waiting on a text from him. “Sorry,” he says and still as the word’s coming out he knows how weak it sounds. “I was busy. Work has never been more stressful.”

Zero is silent for a while before he speaks up. “I get it. The Devils are always busy, huh?” he attempts a laugh and even over the line Jude can hear how forced it is.

“Let’s not talk about the Devils,” he says. _Let’s talk about you and me,_ he thinks. _When are you coming back? Are you ever coming back?_

He pushes down those thoughts and asks, “How is Laura?” He can hear Zero’s smile as he talks and that’s enough for Jude to loosen his grip on the kitchen counter and he watches his white knuckles slowly gaining their colour back.

“…I-I never thought I’d get to see her again, y’know?” he finishes. “It’s just – she’s been doing so well. It’s crazy to have her back in my life.”

“But you’re happy,” Jude simply says and he tries to keep his tone neutral, not accusing.

Zero chuckles. “Of course I am.” His next thoughts hit Jude like a brick wall. “I want you to meet her.”

“Sorry, what?” he chokes out, eyes wide. “You want me to meet your sister?”

“Of course I want, Jude,” Zero speaks softly. “And she wants to meet you too. I told her everything about you.”

Jude says nothing, simply stares into the darkness. He feels like he’s drowning and he’s vaguely aware of his shallow breath and of Zero’s voice faintly calling out to him. “Jude? Take a deep breath. I’m here, Jude.”

Jude stumbles, his back hitting the fridge and he lets himself slide down until he’s sitting on the floor and he grabs the phone tightly with both hands, focusing on Zero’s voice. “…Jude, listen to my voice. Okay? Just focus on me. Take a deep breath, baby. Count down from ten. Can you do that for me?”

Jude lets his head fall back and closes his eyes, slowly breathing through his nose. _Ten, nine,_ he starts counting. _Nine, eight._ He’s aware of Zero’s voice, of him counting down too and he almost drops the phone with how hard his hands are shaking.

_Eight, seven._

“Seven, six, five. Think of something nice, yeah? Take a good memory and never let it go,” says Zero, calm and soft.

 _Five, four._ Zero confessing his love to him. Zero pulling him in and both of them tumbling into bed, laughing.

 _Four, three._ The first time they went out for dinner after they came out. Zero had ignored everyone else and was only focused on Jude and his eyes were soft and his smile was shy and they held hands on the way to the car.

 _Three, two_. Zero opening up to him, slowly but surely, first telling him his real name, then making progress with his sister.

 _Two, one._ Zero showing him a key and saying _family._

“…One. Jude? You with me?”

“Yes.” Jude’s voice is quiet and his throat is dry as hell but his hands aren’t shaking anymore and he feels like he can breathe again.

“Do you know what triggered it?” Zero asks.

Jude thinks, _I miss you so damn much and I just want you here with me and I can’t touch you or hold you or kiss you and I’m slowly going insane without you and I need you now more than ever._

He thinks, _I’m afraid of you staying in Boston and never coming back and getting sick of a long-distance relationship._

He thinks, _I don’t wanna lose you._

He says, “No. I miss you.”

*

He makes progress after that night. He stops working overtime, he takes care of himself first, he stops trying to please everyone. It’s hard without Zero there to help him, to pick him up when he’s down, but he’s learned to put himself first and the thought of Zero being proud of him, thinking of him, makes him stronger.

They’re making progress too. They talk almost every night and during the day they’re sending texts back and forth and the hole in Jude’s chest, the one threatening to choke him, shrinks with every phone call. Jude’s not afraid anymore of Zero getting sick of him. He knows how much Zero loves him and he holds onto that, the only thing that’s keeping him going.

“I need to tell you something,” Zero says one evening and Jude stops in the middle of making himself a salad. He stares at the phone which he’d put on speaker and asks, “Something bad?”

Zero chuckles nervously. “Something good? Hopefully?”

“What is it, Gideon?” Jude asks, pressing the phone up to his ear. (That’s another thing they’re slowly learning: Jude calling him by his real name and Zero accepting it. It’s a day by day progress but they’re making it work.)

“I have a meeting tomorrow,” Zero says and even with thousands of miles between them, Jude can clearly picture him in his head, cracking his knuckles due to nervousness or running a hand through his hair.

“A meeting with whom?”

“The board of the Boston Celtics.”

Jude needs a moment to register these words but when he does they hit him like a punch to the gut. “Oh,” he weakly answers.

“Listen, I know it’s sudden and we never talked about this but I’ve practiced with them and the guys are a lot cooler than the Devils, in personality terms, and if I can’t go back to L.A. then I have to join another team, right?” he rushes out in one breath but all Jude can do is blink stupidly at the wall.

“Sure. Whatever you say,” he replies and cringes at his monotone voice.

“Fuck, Jude,” Zero curses. “I’m sorry. But I didn’t want to keep this a secret from you.”

“No, it’s okay, really it’s –“ Jude breaks off, taking a deep breath. “I’m not mad or anything, okay? Don’t think that. It’s just that – I mean, I thought –“ he breaks off again, silently cursing himself for not knowing how to put his thoughts into words.

“What is it?” Zero asks quietly.

“I just,” Jude sighs. “I thought you’d come back to L.A., is all.”

They’re silent for a few minutes and Jude wills the tears pooling in his eyes away, doesn’t want to break down now on the phone with Zero, doesn’t want to be seen as weak or foolish for not knowing how to handle news the right way.

“I wanna come back,” Zero whispers. “But I also want to stay here.”

“I get it,” Jude breathes out. “You have your sister, you just got her back and –“

“Jude,” Zero says and Jude falls silent. “Come to Boston. Please. I miss you so damn much and I’m sick of only hearing your voice, I-I need to see you and hold you –“

“Okay,” Jude replies without thinking. “I’ll come to Boston.”

*

So, he goes to Boston. He feels anxious during the whole flight and when he gets off the plane but then he’s stepping through the doors after baggage claim and he spots a familiar blond head and a wave of calmness washes over him. Because this is _it_. This is where he’s supposed to be. He’s supposed to be here, waiting for Zero to turn around and see him. He’s supposed to be here when Zero finally notices him and the look of happiness and love on Zero’s face makes it all worth it.

They walk towards each other, as if they’re being pulled by invisible strings, and then they’re in front of each other and Jude is smiling and then Zero is pulling him in. They kiss for what feels like hours and Jude clings to him, desperately so, but he doesn’t care. Just now he realizes how much he missed this, holding onto Zero and he plans on never letting go.

*

“Boston looks beautiful,” Jude murmurs, looking out the window of the car while Zero drives them to his apartment building. He’s driving with one hand, his other one linked with Jude’s and his thumb is slowly drawing circles onto Jude’s skin. Jude holds on a little tighter.

“You ever been here before?” Zero asks.

Jude shakes his head. “Never had the pleasure.” He turns to look at Zero and bites down a smile. Zero is wearing dark sunglasses against the bright sun which contrast perfectly with his white shirt and dark jeans.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer,” Zero says, throwing an amused glance over to Jude. Jude shrugs. “I would but my phone’s out of power.”

Zero laughs, carefree and happy, and bites down on his lip. “God, I missed you, Jude.” He squeezes his hand. “We have the whole weekend to ourselves.”

“With the exception of going out to brunch with your sister,” Jude points out.

Zero grins. “How can I forget that? Laura’s gonna love you. Be prepared, she’ll probably try to keep you from leaving ever again.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” Jude says softly.

Zero smiles. “Me either.”

*

He’s back in L.A., has been for a few weeks now, when Zero calls him. “Wifey is coming back,” he simply says.

“You – you what?” Jude almost drops the plate he’s holding and sets it on the kitchen counter. “You’re coming back? Really?”

Zero’s smile can be heard over the line. “My flight’s on Monday. Will you pick me up?”

“I –“ Jude starts but words fail him. “Shit, Gideon,” he curses. “You’re coming back? As in, moving back to L.A.? For real?”

“Coming back to you and never leaving again,” Zero answers. “My agent worked it all out. I’m surprised Lionel hasn’t told you yet.”

He thinks of Lionel’s smirk when he left work earlier and suddenly it all makes sense. “You’re coming back. For real,” he says and runs a hand down his face. “Holy shit,” he breathes out and starts laughing. “You’re coming back.”

“The Devils still want me,” Zero says smugly. “They didn’t even have to offer me a new deal, I was on board as soon as they proposed it.”

“That’s –“ Jude starts but falls silent. He thinks of Laura, Zero’s bright-eyed sister who was so happy to have her brother back in her life, who looked so carefree and content, who joked around with Zero now that they were both out of foster care and had built their lives up again. He thinks of Laura who welcomed him with open arms, who spilled embarrassing childhood stories about Zero after she’d gotten a good amount of wine into her, who told him _I’m happy Gideon’s got you._

“What about Laura?” he asks, interrupting whatever Zero was saying.

Zero sighs. “I already talked to her. She’s happy for me. I’m gonna miss her but we’ll work it out. We already made plans for her to visit in a few months.”

“Okay,” Jude says. “Okay. So. What time’s your flight?”

Zero laughs. “I’ll have to check again, I’ll text you the details. But you’ll pick me up, right?”

“If I’m not busy,” Jude replies dryly. “Might have to send a driver.”

“Send one for all I care, as long as you’re in the backseat waiting for me to take you right there.”

Jude grins, biting down on his lip. One glance to the calendar hanging on the fridge and he’s already counting down the days. “Calm down, we don’t wanna traumatize the poor driver.”

Zero’s eye roll is prominent over the line. “As soon as we get home, though.”

Jude’s heart is almost beating out of his chest, he’s sure, but all he does is smile and says, “As soon as we get home.”

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://officialukeskywalker.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> do you know how hard it was to NOT put a marriage proposal in this one


End file.
